As technology increasingly influences our work, health and communication, it is also entering one of the most personal domains of all: intimacy.
The promise of the perfect partner
The first realistic sex robots appeared on the market less than ten years ago. Today, they are equipped with artificial intelligence, speech capabilities and adjustable personalities. Users can configure how a robot responds through an app: cheerful, calm or submissive. “The technology promises a kind of perfect harmony,” says Maaike. “A partner who completely adapts to your wishes.”
Yet this raises important questions, she argues. Human relationships work differently. “In real relationships, things can go wrong. Friction arises, and that can feel uncomfortable. But that discomfort also has meaning. Vulnerability makes genuine connection possible.”
Why friction matters
In her PhD research, Maaike explores philosophical and psychological theories about desire and intimacy. Among others, she draws inspiration from the French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan, who argued that people long for harmony and completeness — something that can never fully exist in reality. A sex robot seems to bring that ideal closer. No arguments, no rejection and no unexpected emotions.
“I worry that technology might make it easier to avoid the unpredictability of human contact,” says Maaike. “While those moments of discomfort and difference are exactly what allow us to build deeper relationships and learn more about ourselves.”
When technology and relationships collide
For Maaike, this intersection is precisely what fascinates her. We often think of relationships and technology as belonging to different worlds: human relationships as warm and intimate, technology as distant or cold. “I’m interested in what happens when those two worlds come together,” she says.
What has surprised her most is how quickly digital AI companions are gaining popularity. “Sex robots are still quite niche technology. They are expensive and not very accessible. But AI girlfriends, digital partners you can chat with on your phone, are already widely used.”
More than just sex
Although sex robots are often discussed purely in terms of sexuality, research shows that users also seek companionship. Watching television together, talking about the day or sharing a meal, even if there is only one plate on the table.
The number of users is still relatively small and exact figures are unknown. Nevertheless, Maaike believes they are often judged too quickly. “We tend to draw a line between what is ‘normal’ and what is ‘strange’,” she says. “But the desire for harmony or understanding is deeply human. Everyone experiences frustration about rejection or conflict.”
A perfect illusion?
At the same time, Maaike sees potential risks. Many sex robots have highly stylised bodies and personalities designed mainly to satisfy the wishes of the user. “Such designs may reinforce the idea that women exist to please and do not have desires of their own,” she says.
They may also contribute to unrealistic expectations. “If you are constantly confronted with a perfect body or a partner who never disagrees, that can shape how we think about real relationships.”
The paradox of realistic robots
When Maaike looks at current developments, she notices a striking paradox. On the one hand, designers are trying to make robots increasingly realistic: with natural conversations, artificial intelligence and even skin that resembles human skin. At the same time, we do not actually want them to be truly human.
“If a robot were to disappoint or reject you, we would suddenly find that much less appealing,” she says. “So we want realism, but without the complexity that comes with real people.”
Technology as a mirror
Maaike has now been working on her PhD research for three years. She combines philosophical insights with scientific literature to better understand what new technologies reveal about human relationships. Ultimately, she says, the discussion is not only about robots.
“These technologies act like a mirror,” says Maaike. “They show how strong our desire for connection and harmony really is. The real question is not only what robots do to us, but what they reveal about ourselves.”
Why this research matters now
For Maaike, the rapid development of AI companions makes her research even more relevant. “Sex robots have long existed in science fiction and literature, but now they are starting to appear as real products,” she says. “And when technologies become more accessible and more people begin to use them, we can no longer dismiss their users as exceptions. Then it becomes a broader societal question.”
